Life Is A Big Canvas

When it comes to the subject of accomplishment, never in my life i felt so anxious since the day STPM results were out. That day was very important to me as it determined the path of my life. You see, it was the only road i know that can bring me to where i wanted to go. It was like going to the east coast; there was this direct, wide and safe highway that comes with a certain price, while another one was this one-lane, long winded trunk road with a little risk of its own. The highway was not the road for me.

 

Today there is this intense adrenaline rush to be the soul of the flesh i wanted to be. The expectation i gave myself was immense and i nearly drowned myself in this self created stress.

 

In the end, I realised that I set my expectation wrongly. I was aiming at numbers rather than the art itself. I thought I was chasing after time, when i was actually ahead of it. I could have done more but my guarded heart sets me back.

 

Mistakes here and there were made. It's heartaching to call it an experience, for it's paid with trust and material which is not mine to say it's okay. I'll rather call it as mistakes, a life experience but a mistake still. The only thing i can do now is to learn from it or just quit. Only small men choose the shorter route, the Q-road.

 

Plant some seeds of confidence, be calm as water is only clear when it is still and continue learning as knowledge only comes to those who seek rather than acquired automatically as we age. I must remind myself, i need to pick up the pieces and get back on the road again.

 

~Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality~

The next time when we dine at any fastfood outlet..i wonder if we should just order and leave the plate untouch or should we finish it all...hmm.

 

  

 

 

 

I tossed and turned last night. Just coudn't find the right position to make myself sleep. It was already 4am.

I'm inexplicably worried about things that are about to come my way.

I might be thinking too much, way too far ahead. Take life one step at a time? But at this stressful time, it's no wonder why i'm behaving this way. I'm standing on the edge of life that i've never been before. And the next leap is freaking me out.

Living is not just the day we were borned, marriage is not all about the wedding day, and so is a career not about the graduation day alone. They are all merely the start off points of another long race.

What do i do after this? Do i go all out and scale the highest peak there in career? Work changes a person, will it turns me into somebody else? For all this while, i'm eyeing on this year, for i know, what comes next will definitely brings more comfort to the ones living under the same roof. It's time for me to contribute, to make it up for the years i slacked, all for the sake of ambition and satisfaction.

As contented as my heart can contains, it never really stop me from wanting to continue marching. Life goals are actually moving goal posts, when you thought you are reaching, they move further.

What is next? Work 7 or at least 6 days a week? Then there is john. As much as i want to achieve and leave my marks in places that matter to me, that is also how much i want to make him happy. Can things run simultaneously? Is there a way? Will anyone get hurt as i bulldoze myself to the top? Who will be standing next to me when i strive? And then the question backfires, will i be standing next to him while he's fighting for us? Will i do good?

Time out!

When ships reach the port, they'll move in a straight configuration themselves. There is no need to worry so much of things that is out of our capability to arrange and change. Maybe, the best thing now is to embrace the next chapter courageously and be assured that come what may, i'm not alone.

Have faith.

It was like watching a movie, and suddenly the roller stopped. The repairman tried his best to find the fault, but he just couldn't. No other choice left, the patrons left the theatre holding their empty paper cup probably with some leftover ice cubes on their right hand, bags of unfinished caramelised popcorn on the other hand and a chest of curious heart.

 

The wrath was there, probably because it was left unfinish. For days, the patrons cried out their grief to other townfolks. For weeks, they searched every corner for an answer they would pay with every gold they owned just to be enlightened. For months, it became the talk of the town. As years went by, the town was abuzz with activities, nobody remembered the film anymore.

 

Nobody knew what happened to the ending. It could had been the greatest story ever, what a pity, it was left untold. It may be no more than a memory, but if it was a worthy one, they did not regret the ticket paid.

 

Soon another blockbuster was up and the theatre was again full house.

 

Absence takes more energy than presence.

  

All the wishing and hoping and waiting consume a lot of strength. Sometimes, patience just ran away leaving us agitated. We cling on to nothing except for promises. It is difficult. But what lies in front is worth moving forward.

 

The missing part is ineffable. And i effin miss him.

As harmless as a rabbit can be, with an excellent masked storyteller, it can be turned into a dangerous creature.

 

Sometimes, it can be rather frustrating when all you want is to stay out of trouble, but trouble seems to sneak right up to you in it's very own dirty way. Of so many friends you made, meeting one wicked lemon is enough to make life miserable. No matter how much sugar u tried to rub on it, it'll never help, as it is sour to the core.

 

Sad as sad can be, she was paraded and burned at high stake, for this scrupulous figure manipulated the good minds of people to cover his own sin. She should speak, make verbal and share. But she took a step back and let things be. For her voice, too tiny to be heard. She was nobody to control the minds of many. It didn't matter to her for those important to her were wise enough to see. Forgive the evil, for his heart and mind only have room enough to fit himself. Never will he understand the hardship he caused to others. Pray for the day, the foolish will be once again free from the blindness created from the infinity layer of deceptions.

 

There are times when silent words have the loudest voice. Maybe it is never that bad to be misunderstood. History had Pythagoras misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.

 

I did not write so that she can be understood, it was so much so that she can't be misunderstood.

 

Found something different yet similar. LOL

..to be at one in silent unspeakable memories

Tell me all hearts are genuine,

Tell me that sun is shining brightly,

Because when the clouds come in, it'll be raining.

 

Tell me all intentions are clear,

Tell me that rivers always flow,

Because when they clog, fishes will die.

 

Tell me promises are still hold dear,

Tell me that trees hold ground despite the storm,

Because when they uproot, leaves will never sprout again.

 

Tell me human goodness never go away,

Tell me mirrors reflect everything before them,

Because when then don't, they are just plastic.

 

Tell me one plus one is still two,

Tell me that otters still mate for life,

Because if they stray, Lyrebirds will not build their love nest.

 

Tell me birds of a feather flock together,

Tell me dreams do happen,

Because when they do, i'll be the happiest.

 

Distance creates void in between. It is knowing that the void is soon to be filled again gives comfort and waiting worth while.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is like it beats so fast for no apparent reason. Acids secreted for unnecessary calories. Goes up the cranium, force open valves and then u sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p/s: This is totally a random post written by someone passed sleeping hour. Not related to anyone in real life, no animals involved and nothing is to be learned from here. =D