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May 23 Dub-Lub-Du-DubWhen it comes to the subject of accomplishment, never in my life i felt so anxious since the day STPM results were out. That day was very important to me as it determined the path of my life. You see, it was the only road i know that can bring me to where i wanted to go. It was like going to the east coast; there was this direct, wide and safe highway that comes with a certain price, while another one was this one-lane, long winded trunk road with a little risk of its own. The highway was not the road for me.
Today there is this intense adrenaline rush to be the soul of the flesh i wanted to be. The expectation i gave myself was immense and i nearly drowned myself in this self created stress.
In the end, I realised that I set my expectation wrongly. I was aiming at numbers rather than the art itself. I thought I was chasing after time, when i was actually ahead of it. I could have done more but my guarded heart sets me back.
Mistakes here and there were made. It's heartaching to call it an experience, for it's paid with trust and material which is not mine to say it's okay. I'll rather call it as mistakes, a life experience but a mistake still. The only thing i can do now is to learn from it or just quit. Only small men choose the shorter route, the Q-road.
Plant some seeds of confidence, be calm as water is only clear when it is still and continue learning as knowledge only comes to those who seek rather than acquired automatically as we age. I must remind myself, i need to pick up the pieces and get back on the road again.
~Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality~ May 16 Fast FoodThe next time when we dine at any fastfood outlet..i wonder if we should just order and leave the plate untouch or should we finish it all...hmm.
The simplest things are often the truest. Our everyday common stuffs could be other people's luxury.
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart
April 25 Leap of FaithI tossed and turned last night. Just coudn't find the right position to make myself sleep. It was already 4am. I'm inexplicably worried about things that are about to come my way. I might be thinking too much, way too far ahead. Take life one step at a time? But at this stressful time, it's no wonder why i'm behaving this way. I'm standing on the edge of life that i've never been before. And the next leap is freaking me out. Living is not just the day we were borned, marriage is not all about the wedding day, and so is a career not about the graduation day alone. They are all merely the start off points of another long race. What do i do after this? Do i go all out and scale the highest peak there in career? Work changes a person, will it turns me into somebody else? For all this while, i'm eyeing on this year, for i know, what comes next will definitely brings more comfort to the ones living under the same roof. It's time for me to contribute, to make it up for the years i slacked, all for the sake of ambition and satisfaction. As contented as my heart can contains, it never really stop me from wanting to continue marching. Life goals are actually moving goal posts, when you thought you are reaching, they move further. What is next? Work 7 or at least 6 days a week? Then there is john. As much as i want to achieve and leave my marks in places that matter to me, that is also how much i want to make him happy. Can things run simultaneously? Is there a way? Will anyone get hurt as i bulldoze myself to the top? Who will be standing next to me when i strive? And then the question backfires, will i be standing next to him while he's fighting for us? Will i do good? Time out!
When ships reach the port, they'll move in a straight configuration themselves. There is no need to worry so much of things that is out of our capability to arrange and change. Maybe, the best thing now is to embrace the next chapter courageously and be assured that come what may, i'm not alone. Have faith. March 01 Don't Let Me Be MisunderstoodAs harmless as a rabbit can be, with an excellent masked storyteller, it can be turned into a dangerous creature.
Sometimes, it can be rather frustrating when all you want is to stay out of trouble, but trouble seems to sneak right up to you in it's very own dirty way. Of so many friends you made, meeting one wicked lemon is enough to make life miserable. No matter how much sugar u tried to rub on it, it'll never help, as it is sour to the core.
She was wrong, she was very wrong to believe that goodness exist in every being. And that no one would have the heart to harm a friend. Punished for something that was hidden from her. Misunderstood for something which was not made known to her. Mentioned for a role she never knew she played. She thought only great people are often misunderstood. Great is something far from her ordinary self. Good people will only meet good people, isn't it? Do no harm to others, and you will not get hurt. Such imprudent thinking. Sad as sad can be, she was paraded and burned at high stake, for this scrupulous figure manipulated the good minds of people to cover his own sin. She should speak, make verbal and share. But she took a step back and let things be. For her voice, too tiny to be heard. She was nobody to control the minds of many. It didn't matter to her for those important to her were wise enough to see. Forgive the evil, for his heart and mind only have room enough to fit himself. Never will he understand the hardship he caused to others. Pray for the day, the foolish will be once again free from the blindness created from the infinity layer of deceptions.
 There are times when silent words have the loudest voice. Maybe it is never that bad to be misunderstood. History had Pythagoras misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.
I did not write so that she can be understood, it was so much so that she can't be misunderstood.
February 09 DistanceDistance creates void in between. It is knowing that the void is soon to be filled again gives comfort and waiting worth while.
December 11 The best way out is always throughThis music video gives mixed feelings. I keep listening to it for days. LOL. It is a sad song, yet the lyrics is hilarious and the singer can really pull it off with such straight face.
Stupidity perhaps is the best remedy to heartbreaks. Life should never be taken too seriously.
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. - Alan Cohen
When a good story ends, let it ends gracefully. Embrace the next, they are usually greater, as we have learned. September 27 I Lied.....because i don't know what else to do.
In this world, there're a lot more problems, bigger and much more complicated ones, compare to the those we are facing. If we can just stop focusing on ourselves too much, we'll realise that the difficulties we are facing are just like a tree to a jungle.
A small grain of sand in our shoes hurt, but a godzillion of them on the seaside make a beautiful beach. I guess, it's the same with problems. A little bit of them make life a little more challenging. Charging us to move forth.
But what about life obstacles that actually spell something like, a full stop? The ending of a life that just beginning to look better. What if the problem is an end stage carcinoma? How can i see something positive from that?
Why is it so late? How come she never tell anyone about it until now? Why didn't we notice? What about now? Why now? Why not earlier when it's smaller? When the prognosis is better..Why do this to yourself? Why? But they're all useless now.
Right now, we need to say, it's okay. It'll be alright. You will be cured! Nothing to be worry about, be happy that everything is under control and that we are in good hands. So said uncle, and my aunt looked at me. I smiled and nodded...she smiled back and i held her hand, walking away from hospital. I could see signs of relief. I had given her temporary happiness, false confidence and hope that was built on nothingness.
Lying is theft. I stole time from her. Telling her she still has forever to look at, when she actually don't.
I lied, because i do not know anything else to do. I refuse to see the coming days. I lied to hide pain and distress.
What have i done? August 19 Wind wind....blow me away
It's a tiring day, for my legs. It's a tiring week for my mind.
What am i feeling? I feel like some dandelions..weird hah? What's is it that i'm feeling? July 24 What about life?Is there a book of life and that our lives are all predestined? Or rather is it what we embraced resulting whatever we become? What makes certain people borned with a silver spoon? Does karma caused suffering to us?
Those questions flooded my mind all the way from KL Sentral.
Window 1
Blackout in clinic today, i had to send my patient home and arrange for another appointment. The conversation was something like this:
"I fear i might not be around. I'm going back ipoh," she said.
"Oh, it's alright. Anytime when you r back, gimme a call," i replied.
She looked at me for a moment, guess she was figuring how to put her next words into a sentence. It was indeed a very tough one.
"Umm..I'm not sure when i'll be around. It all depends..on my brother. His wife and children are with him already. We siblings are all going soon. He is very sick and Dr gave him only a few days..."
How does it feel knowing you have only a few more days to survive? What would you tell your loved ones? How many kisses must you give them to last them a lifetime while you are away? You hope you need no blinks so you can see more of them and the world. If what you see last is a picture of everyone around your deathbed, could it be a sad or peaceful picture? How much is the pain of seeing someone close to you fade away? How can you help? Death is a journey everyone must walk alone by themselves.
"...Both kidneys fail. He never smokes or drink. Only 54. He can't afford dialysis. Hospital can't provide him too...the most they can do is set the next appointment for him in September."
Window 2
Student A:
Life's a stroll on red carpet. Padded, in case he fall. Along the carpet, people lined left and right..clapping and cameras flashing. Haha..i know i'm exaggerating. Well, the truth, a well to do family, exellent dad and life's rather easy. A town boy yet got into matrix and got a result deserving science faculty's courses. Not please with life, wrote a letter and signed it off with daddy's big signature. Got up the next morning, a first year dental student!
Student B:
Papa, a fishmonger, with diabetes and hypertension. Brother admitted for heart failure and passed away at age 26 due to blackout in general hospital that same fateful day. A kampung-girl, therefore manage to get a place in matriculation. Worked hard and scored 4.0 suppose to provide her the key to enter any courses of her choice. Chose medicine, landed dentistry. Now having difficulties buying expensive medical and dental books. Because a beggar cannot choose, she's a grateful first year dental student now!
My heart pains for those who struggle but still lost, those who triumph after hardwork makes me all jolly, injustice makes me feel betrayed. Why is rich always richer? While the poor finding way up a very big struggle? Test after test, leaving strength and will an empty tank, only hope replenishes it. How much faith is left? I know it's wrong to feel that way but sometimes, it's only natural.
What is life? Well, life just is... I'm learning to accept and let go. July 02 In Between 4th and 5thThe end of the 2 months break is finally knocking on the door. Am i prepared? Well, i never actually did give a thought about that. Coz what's in my mind now is 10 months down the road, if u get what i mean.
 It has been a nice holiday thus far. I'm truly grateful. What i cherished most is the chance to catch up with old pals and getting to know new acquaintances.
The beginning of the holiday was spent mostly on doing our final year thesis with chingli. Didn't realise there're so many variants till we do this study. Along the way, stupid misunderstanding cropped up between us to test the strength of our friendship. =) Nevertheless, we did a good job gathering as much as 600 samples!! Way to go! I'm pleased to work together with En. Ramli, that very nurse we juz call "kakak", Dr Leila and bubbly Dr Chun.
Then there was this little job i landed, thanks to Lewoon. A bridal shop assistant! Yea, totally different from dentistry. I love dentistry, but i always believe that one shouldn't be too blinded with their own profession till they see nothing else besides it. Designing really isn't an easy job, i would say. Colours alone can confused a person, leave aside cuttings, materials and all. I got to observes etiquettes of people from all walks of life; designers, employer, photographers and brides-to-be! Dennis, Veralynn, Steph and Elaine = Pretty In White.
Been catching up with loads of movies lately. Different movies with different kaki. Here are my list of "kakis": judy; samuel; jack; chong and jack; judy; yenleng; stephanie; veralynn; liyi; liyi; samuel; beng and yanleng; judy and pc. Am happy for my sister and ray. Both look lovely together! When two person meet, it is never a coincidence, it is fate working in it's unique way, bringing two lives to cross paths. My younger brother is all grown up. Sent him to ukm. I wish for everything good on earth to happen to him.
Strangely, this holiday, i fell in love with dogs! Started with Tom Tom, then carmen's doggy. I would love to hav one myself! Am thinking of a Border Collie or a Yorkie! What do you think? border looks smart and bright, while yorkie is just so cute!
Well, that's about it. Can't wait till class reopen so i can quickly surf through it and graduate!! Cheese! When a dorr closes, another opens. I can't wait to see what's behind the next door for me! =D
Am looking forward to my extended holiday, which is to Sarawak! Rainforest music festival, Here I come! May 06 What IfNever leave the one you love for the one you like
because the one you like will leave you for the one they love
What if the person you thought you like, was the person that can makes you smile from the heart?
What if the person you thought you love, was never able to make you cry with him?
What if the person you thought you only like, was the one u kept thinking day and night?
What if the person you were expected to love, didn't get you butterflies in your stomach?
What if the person you just like, left you for someone they love and you feel lost about it?
What if the person you should love, does not have the heartbeat you want to listen to for the rest of your life?
What if it's all merely lust?
What if there's no like or love?
What if the person you thought u like was actually the person you love?
April 04 Spring FeverSpring is here! Is spring here already? Haha! Well, it's spring to me already, at least. I can smell spring in the air already!
April hath put a spirit of youth in everything. ~William Shakespeare
The first sight that knocked spring into my head was these pretty purple flowers in front of my house. My dad loves his potted plants so much. Never once did i expect the red leaves that my dad nurtures would one day grew such beautiful thing on them. They never did bloom before, for years. Just like the sayings; when there's a garden of nice flowers, people tends to overlook the ordinary dandelions. Such lovely sight:
If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom. ~Audra Foveo
Spring is when love is in the air. Everything is just so nice, and all you want to do is just, sit back and enjoy things that come in your direction. Spring is when you will somehow get in touch with people you care. Spring is when your heart feels so right, your soul is happily dancing away! Spring is fills with all positivities and hope, colourful and fun!
Both spring and April excite me! Maybe a true April Baby myself, it's the right time of the year always.
The sun was warm but the wind was chill. You know how it is with an April day. ~Robert Frost
Not forgetting, the flu and cough! The weather is crazy, it messes up the immune system! Just another yearly agenda, indicating spring is here!
I got a feeling, this April is gonna be a blast! =D
Well, i'm off clinics for a couple of months from now. This is me, taken by keechung while chatting with me, think he's bored during the last week of class. =D i'm gonna miss uni friends.
These pictures were taken on the way back from Genting Highlands last week. From skyway. Nice weather! It's spring!!
The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring. ~Bern Williams January 23 Swiftness
Owh..body ached. Life is moving at a very fast pace. This whole 4th year business, happens like; as fast as lightning strikes or an inkling of an eye, something like that. I hardly feel anything besides waking up, going to class, back and sleep repeating for many many times, weeks after weeks. That's all, and now, suddenly, i pause a moment and realise, i'm going to final year already..soon.
Owh, what have i achieved? What have i learned? What's with all the rushing and pushing? Do i exist merely for the purpose of existing? I feel like a dried leaf, dropped into the river and am just following the flow to somewhere. Have i been doing good with my job? Did i slack?
Owh, i miss people that had somehow loss contact with. I wonder how are they doing, are they happy? I wonder if we are ever going to cross paths again. What does it feel to be there, but out of reach. How can a cactus be friend a bubble? =D
Well, guess life's like that; it just happens when we are too busy planning for some other kind of lives. Be bold, be spontaneous, and mighty forces will come eventually. December 31 Opportunity5...4...3...2...1...HAppY NeW YeAr 2009!!
haha! How i wish it's gonna be 2009 tmr! Can't wait to get myself out of university! =D
Well, as usual, new year is approaching, ppl think of their own past achievements! What have i achieved? =D Definitely 2007 is not a dull year to me, as many things happened and many people had walked in and out of my life. It'd been a year full of different experiences for me; dived in with all my heart and crawled out with all my might. Shifted a total of three places; st xavier --> UT ---> Klang. It's a crazy year with no regrets.
And today at the clinic, suddenly, there's electricity down. Some of us had to send patients back home though it's only half way through treatment. Some patients even more poor thing, they got sent back with their tooth still unextracted after LA injection; meaning the next time, when they come again, they gotta endure another round of injection! Lucky me, i was at the lab doing optec work! Maybe it is a sign for everyone to go enjoy themselves this new year eve! Hoooray!~
Am looking forward to year 2008! It's gonna be a blast! It's like starting everything afresh, blank page, in a book called "Opportunity" and its first chapter is, New Year! =)
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey December 20 Happy New Year and A Merry Christmas! As new year is approaching, i am recounting what i had done and what i promised myself to do but hav yet to do. In the end, what the heck, i'll do it next year! haha. Talk about procrastination, I'm champion!
 No, not next year!And i stumble upon this simple and nice inspiring text, which i feel i would like to take it with me to the next year:
I Listen to the trees, and they say:
"Stand tall and yield. Be tolerant and flexible. Be true to yourself. Stand alone, and stand together.
Be brave. Be patient. With time, you will grow."
I Listen to the wind, and it says:
"Breathe. Take care of yourself - body, mind, and spirit. Take time.
Be quiet. Listen from your heart. Forgive."
I Listen to the sun, and it says:
"Nurture others. Let your warmth radiate for others to feel. Give yourself without expectations."
I Listen to the creek, and it says:
"Relax; go with the flow. Tend to what's really important, and let the rest go by.
Keep moving - don't be hesitant or afraid. Lighten up - laugh, giggle."
I Listen to the mountains, and they say:
"Be there. Be honest. Be trustworthy.
Do what you say you're going to do.
Be true, genuine, and real. Speak from the heart. Don't cheat."
I Listen to the birds, and they say:
"Set yourself free. Sing."
I Listen to the clouds, and they say:
"Be creative. Be expressive. Let your spirit run free.
Let yourself be light and gay, but let yourself be heavy and sad. Cry when you feel like it."
I Listen to the sky, and it says:
"Open up. Let go of the boundaries and barriers which you have created to protect yourself.
Experience change. Fly."
I Listen to the flowers and small plants, and they say:
"Be humble. Be simple.
Respect the beauty of small things. Respect the beauty of humility and truth.
Let go of perfectionism. Love yourself as you are; it opens the door to change.
Practice acceptance."
I Listen to the bugs and flying insects, and they say:
"Work. Be productive. Use your hands.
Focus on what's in front of you. Ignore the past; there is only the present."
I Listen to the moon, and it says:
"Love. Share love. Make love.
Be romantic -- touch and caress. Allow yourself to be loved.
Be gentle, kind, and understanding. Use candles."
I Listen to the stars, and they wink and say:
"Play. Dance, be silly, have fun."
I Listen to the earth, and it says:
"I am your mother. I give you life. Respect all that is around you."
Isn't it beautiful? =D
Well, Merry christmas to all and a Happy New year! It's the time of the year to be jolly! Come on, peeps! December 01 People I need To Avoid..really?Woke up late today, plans disrupted. So i have plenty of time to spare. As usual, switched on pc and start clicking away! =)
And i stumbled upon these sites whereby they describe types of men to avoid! Fun to read, it reminds me of people while reading. haha. Who? U r wondering? Shhsh, it's a secret! Haha. To be fair, here's another version describing 10 women to avoid. Don't call me sexist then! Have fun reading! Just click on the words below the dolly to fly u to the sites accordingly: =)
In the end, do we really need to avoid anyone? What good will it brings? When you put a barrier, you actually decide to stop getting to know the other person. We live only once; so cherish whatever and whoever that comes into our lives! October 11 Holiday starts one day earlier compare to others! =DAm soooooooooo sick.
Mind over matter, mind over matter! Not sick, am fine!
Came back Klang. Realised, whole family is sick. Guess it's a family affair already then.
Been sleeping from 5pm ytday till 8am this morning. Popped 6 paracetamols. Headache still. Was yawning the whole class with tired eyes. Prof Halimah must be thinking, who's dis drug addict. I was really struggling throughout the class, nothing from her lecture got registered in my brain, and I was juz praying for the class to end soon, as I was going to puke!
Got clinic today. Mr. Chin was there waiting for me. But my world was swirling, upside down, inside out and all. I walked straight to dental chair and collapse! Thank God, Laikwan was there to help me. She presented the e&d for me and did the preprosthetic treatment. Girl, I’m really very thankful.
Went to student's clinic, ching li sent me. It took them so long for me to see the dr, if I’m really ill, guess i'll be dead even before the dr can save me. Gave me MC for a day only. Stingy dr. don’t bother, tmr am going to ponteng anyway. Good news is, while waiting, a staff nurse came to talk to me, about her husband wanting to make bridge. Yay, something to enlightened my already heavy head.
Went back UT to sleep. Waited for my sis to save me. Head was spinning and spinning, faster and faster, till i vomited. Empty stomach, still can produce something to vomit out. Miracle.
Am at home now..lying on bed. Sick is a boring life activity. Can't do much. Toss and turn. Online. Think the more I sleep, the higher the temperature rises. October 06 School Dental Health Drill!! 27th Sept 2007Alas, successfully launched our school dental health program! Thanks to everyone's commitment and cooperation. All the positivities radiated from each of us had drived the group forward from the preparations till D-Day!
Along - the poster master. thanks for the brilliant ideas and dedication that produced so many teaching materials and posters for the event!
beatrice - the cheeky chearleader. you r such a sport. Kids love the songs. Feewah feewah feewah hei! U go girl!!
laikwan - the strong pillar. Thanks for motivating everyone of us. thanks for being there for me all the time. Owe u one big time!
 fahmi - the photo expert. Thanks for capturing every moment. The photo gallery u did is still the best despite many copy cat version. haha
k'rol - the banner winner. Green rulez!! Bet u'll be a fine paediatric DS one day. You juz know ur way with kids!
keechung - the unknown king. Who knows meow is so talented if not for SDHD? He's the Lunar Color Pencil King! Don't play play!
 ana - the fine artisan~! Kids love Tom and Jerry. Thanks for giving them a great feature, they are cute!
nicholas - the naruto weirdo. Japanese style invitation card? Weird brochures? well, u know best dude!
 yeeheoi - the pretty one. thanks for being there and helping around! the colouring contest was well conducted!
sookfong - the sunny funny. You know best how to make the group laugh! Thanks. the coloring contest was excellent!
 rauquah - the secretary. all the paper works...gosh, thanks a lot dear!
Pn Rohana - the principal. Thanks for the support and understanding. Respect all the teachers their in the kindergarten. Managing the little hyperactive monsters is tough if not for all the help and guidance provided by everyone in the kindergarten! Phew!~ Thanks a million!
Dr Norintan - the marvellous mentor. Thanks for the guidance and comments. A lot of things won't be such a smooth sail without your supervision. And the speech during the opening ceromony, inspiring! Thanks to dr's husband as well, for his generousity in donating food for the kids. I can see it really broaden the smile of the already smilling and happy faces.
staffs of community dentistry dept. - Thanks for the help. Thanks for the materials and comment. With comments come improvements!
last but not least, my apology to everyone if, by any way, i had offended anyone of you throughout the whole event! I hope not. haha Well, I can be very strong headed at times. haha.
I hope everyone had fun organising the event! Guess nicholas and k'rol are right, v shud go out someday to celebrate as a team! so, a trip or a dinner? yet to decide!
here are some pictures and videos taken!
September 21 Quotes and Phrases That Capture My Attention =DWhile surfing the world wide web, found some very nice sayings!
 Some are funny, some very inspirational, some touching and some are just too nice, i have to add it here. Have fun reading!
September 15 Special Care Conference 200727th-28th August, Dental Faculty UM - Faculty spent lots of money and effort to bring two excellent and knowledgable speakers all the way from Norway and also some equally experienced local speakers to enlightened us about the advanced modalities in special care dentistry. It was an eye opener for many of us, to know how much our government and the NGOs have done to reach the group and also how far behind we are in providing dental and health care in order to provide a better quality of life to special group people.
We, the students, was really pleased to attend the conference and welcome any other future conferences as we got exemption from clinics the whole session for 2 days! Yay, Long Live The Dean! =D
Christina was there with us too that day! It's been some time since she left us for IMU.
Below are pictures taken during the conference, reflecting the students behaviour changes throughout the long hours of lectures:  |
very true
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